I always knew I wanted to be something great. My dreams bounced from buyer for a high-end department store, children’s bookstore owner, wedding dress model (ah- the aspirations of an 8 year old), to a career in marketing and back again. But I also knew I always wanted to be a mother.
My career path happened mostly on accident. I decided at the old age of 20 to start school. I opted for a merchandising program at a prestigious private school. This also came with a high end price tag- but more on my student loans later. While working toward my degree I also got my first, real adult job at a bank. Which lead to more banking, and eventually a job as a staff accountant at a small winery. Fast forward 8 years and I have one class to go to graduate and am still working for wineries.
I won’t get into all the details- but working and meeting my husband and getting married and having a baby has consumed my years. I still want to graduate, and still plan to, but there have been so many other things that have come up along the way.
I have fulfilled my dream of becoming a mother. Which is in itself something beyond great. But now I stand on a path looking forward not so sure if I can see the path of a successful career. Was school a waste? Never says my mother. Should I have put off marriage and babies and thrown myself into a career? I can barely type the words that life seems so sad now that I know what being a wife and mother is all about.
I find myself on this path daydreaming often about where to go. I see myself picking up a camera and beginning to capture the beauty that other photographers have captured of me. I think about waiting a few more years until the babe is in school and joining one of the amazing companies I have always longed to work for, like Kate Spade or Victoria’s Secret. I picture myself settled down with another baby and a happy home of running errands and scrubbing the kitchen floor.
I would like to think I have endless possibilities. But now is the time where I need to get my feet moving forward. Maybe not directly toward something- just forward…
“I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as ‘making a life’.”
― Maya Angelou
I know I want to make a life that I can look back on and feel accomplished and successful- while still feeling present. Am I asking for it all? Can I have my cake and eat it too? I sure hope so!